Finding My Way Back
by Lo Bean
Summary: All Squall and Rinoa wanted was a chance to be like every other couple, but they never thought that being normal might cause them to lose the fairy-tale ending.
1. A Day in the Life

Well, well, well. Hello everyone! I am not going to lie, I'm extremely nervous to post here again. I used to post under another pen name, but I can't remember my log on information, so that will be my mysterious secret, haha. It's been years since I've written anything publicly on the site, so please be kind to me. And let me apologize in advance for starting out with an almost 'filler' chapter, I am just trying to set a tone here before I launch into anything heavy. And it will be heavy! Anyway, I'm glad to see you all again- let me know what you think of this, if you are so inclined. gulp Here we go.

* * *

**Finding My Way Back**

Chapter One: A Day in the Life.

11:26AM. The clock didn't lie.

Rinoa sighed tiredly, pushing her chair away from her desk so she could arch her back. _It's not even noon_, she thought despondently as she massaged the back of her neck with both hands. _Four o'clock cannot come soon enough_.

When she'd taken the job in the Balamb hotel, it was a welcome diversion from wandering the Garden, doing the odd jobs that Cid doled out to her. She'd had a sneaking suspicion that half the things he'd asked to her to were tasks he could have done himself, but he'd wanted to make her feel like a member of the team. The trouble was, she'd never wanted to be a member of the team. At least, not _that_ team.

So now she spent her days working in the front office of the Balamb Inn, which suited her quite well most of the time. She enjoyed making people feel comfortable and at home, and it gave her a sense of personal accomplishment that she'd felt lacking in over the last few months.

But while her professional horizons had dwindled for a time, other elements of her life had blossomed. Although she wasn't sure he'd enjoy that adjective being used to describe their relationship.

It had been over a year since the events which had shaped their lives and put them on a collision course with each other. Over a year since they had both realized that they were profoundly and permanently connected to each other. And during that year, Rinoa had learned the meaning of frustration, confusion, anger, and disappointment. She'd also learned the meaning of joy, safety, reliability, and loyalty.

In short, she'd learned what it meant to be in love with Squall Leonhart.

There had been some difficult times, nights when they had both gone to bed angry, passing each other in the hallway the next day with only the briefest nods of acknowledgement for each other. There had been inevitable arguments over important things, like the when it was acceptable for one of them to remain in the other's room overnight. There had been inevitable arguments over the unimportant things, such as Squall's purchasing of 2 milk when clearly 1 was superior.

In short, they had become like everyone else… and they enjoyed it. Yes, they did have an emotional connection which outstripped most couples, but it had been easy to forget over time. She had grown used to the slight tugs at the back of her mind when he was upset, just as he had become accustomed to the barbs of emotion she sent back at him whenever she was intensely happy or sad. They didn't talk much about the fact that there was still something deeply different about them which separated the couple from their peers.

Rinoa wasn't sure why they didn't talk about it. Maybe they were both tired of the responsibility, maybe all that they wanted was a chance to be normal and experience the things that had been denied to both of them, albeit for very different reasons. Whatever the motivation behind it, they had settled into a comfortable routine of normalcy.

As normalcy had taken over, Rinoa had found herself with less and less to do. She knew that Squall had grown acutely aware of her need to feel as if she belonged, and so it hadn't surprised her when she was approached by Cid after voicing her feelings and was asked to help him with administrative work around the Garden. She had enjoyed it, it kept her close to- well, within the same building as- Squall, and she was able to spend much of her time in the company of the rest of their friends as she walked between various offices throughout the day.

And then one day, she wanted more, something she'd earned on her own. It was as simple as that.

She'd known that Squall would be hurt by what would seem like a desire to distance herself from him and she'd done her best to reassure him that it wasn't a desire to be with him less, only to be with herself more. And after much cajoling and some careful reassurance, she began applying for jobs in Balamb. Within days, she'd accepted the front office position at the inn.

All of which brought Rinoa back to where she sat now. Glancing again at the clock, she grimaced as she watched the second hand spin slowly around the face of the timepiece. Deciding that she had accomplished enough daydreaming for one day, Rinoa stood up with a sense of purpose. As she did so, the hotel's mascot jumped to its feet and chuffed at her happily.

"Angelo, what do you want from me?" Rinoa asked her pet playfully, walking over to the dog and scratching him in the soft fur behind his ears. Angelo's inclusion as an employee of the Balamb Inn had been a stipulation of her acceptance of the job, and she was glad she'd argued for him. He'd grown into his role as hotel greeter, always greeting everyone with a 'hello' bark, or if the guest was particularly likeable, a friendly lick on the back of the hand. She shrugged at Angelo and grabbed his leash from under her desk and pulled out the "Back in 15 Minutes" sign. Placing it on the desk, she shook her head at the dog as she knelt to secure the leash onto his collar.

"I've always been a sucker for a boy with beautiful eyes," she explained, as Angelo bumped the side of her face with his cold nose. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she let Angelo lead her out the doors of the building and into the Balamb heat.

Although Balamb was always hot in the summer, this season had proved vicious in its humidity. Rinoa immediately felt her hair flatten and her bangs stick to her forehead. Angelo paused at the door, and Rinoa jostled the leash a bit. "Come on boy, I know it's hot out but if you're gonna make me come out here the least we can do is get down to the ocean!" Angelo turned his head to look up at his master dolefully, but didn't budge. Rinoa prepared to bring him back inside when a faint sound caught her ear. It was the unmistakable sound of boots stepping in unison, and she craned her neck to try and see around the bend in the road.

And then they were upon her. Row after row of SeeD cadet marched past her, on their way to take the field exams necessary for admission into the military institution. She pulled Angelo back into the door's awning to give them room to pass, wondering at how it hadn't really been all that long since Squall and the others, so experienced now, had followed this road toward something they couldn't even imagine.

She caught sight of a familiar face marching with the other instructors selected to administer the exams. Zell's tattoo would have marked him anyway, but she had grown to recognize the uncontainable exuberance in his step, even when he did his best to hide it. He gave her a toothy grin as he passed, but stopped short of waving, knowing that it was important to appear disciplined in front of the cadets.

Rinoa watched as the squads assembled in front of the boats that would take them out of the harbor, the students shifting in their ranks with nervous anticipation. The wind mercifully began to kick up around her as she stepped out into the street to get a better view of the proceedings, sending a chill through her as the cool ocean air hit her already slightly sweaty skin. And as her hair blew around her face, she caught sight of him.

Rinoa thought it a credit to their relationship that every time her eyes found him, her heart still skipped a beat. Although she stood in the middle of the deserted street, Squall hadn't noticed her from such a distance. He stood on the bow of one of the ships with his hands clasped behind his back, and although Rinoa couldn't make out anything he said over the sound of the wind in her ears, it was clear from his posture and mannerisms that he was giving the cadets their orders. Rinoa felt a swell of pride in her chest as she watched the man she'd known when he was still a boy salute the SeeDs and candidates in front of him. And it was then that she realized he was looking right at her.

There was always an element of danger to every mission, even a training exercise. As Rinoa watched him through the tendrils of hair that gusted across her face, she felt a familiar tug in the back of her mind. Slowly, inconspicuously, she put a hand on her breast, holding his eyes with hers. The moment lingered, and then Squall broke the salute, turned crisply on his heels, and descended into the boat below.

Heart still thundering in her chest, she was almost pulled off-balance by Angelo, who had decided that it was finally time to begin his walk. Rinoa arched an eyebrow at him. "You sure know how to ruin a moment, don't you boy?" she asked acidly. Angelo chuffed happily again before beginning his own approximation of a march down the street to Ma Dincht's, where he was always assured many treats.

Trailing behind him, Rinoa watched the squads as they put out to sea, vaguely sad that she hadn't even been aware that he'd elected to go on the field exams. As the horizon swallowed the ships, she shrugged to herself. Squall's sense of duty to SeeD was a price she was willing to pay, especially now that she'd found more of a life for herself outside the Garden… at least from eight to four on weekdays.

"Fine Angelo, fine! Let's go get the treats!" She said, putting the enthusiasm back into her voice. She let the dog pull her down the street, and the rest of the day melted into the summer haze.

* * *

Rinoa sighed with contentment as she turned the car into Squall's designated parking spot under Balamb Garden. She jumped out of the vehicle and crossed to the passenger side, opening the door to let Angelo out. He gave her a quick bark of thanks and took off toward the dormitories, leaving Rinoa to grab the bath towel that covered the passenger seat. _Squall would never forgive me if I got dog hair all over his precious 'other' baby_, she thought with chagrin as she shook it out. Tucking the towel under her arm, she made her way back to the dorms. When she arrived at her door, she found it slightly odd that Angelo was not waiting for her. With a sigh of realization, she turned back to the elevator and pressed the button for the next floor up, where all ranking SeeDs and elite Garden staff had private housing. And sure enough, as soon as she stepped out of the elevator, she could see Angelo at the end of the hallway, patiently sitting outside Squall's door.

Rinoa narrowed her eyes at the dog and stuck her tongue out at him. "You know we shouldn't be up here," she cautioned the animal. _But it would be so lovely to take a real bath,_ her mind argued. Admitting to herself that she wasn't up to the dormitory showers, which lacked any sense of real privacy beyond a shower curtain in a cubicle, she reluctantly pulled a different card key- one she had been instructed to use only in the direst of emergencies- out of her wallet. "We'll just call this our little secret," she said in a conspiratory whisper as the card whisked through the reader.

Squall's apartment was nothing new to Rinoa, but it felt as strange to her as the surface of the moon now as she realized that she'd never been alone in the space before. She realized she was breathing shallowly and forced herself to laugh loudly to break the silence of the room. _It's not like it's a temple or something_, she thought to herself. It did almost **feel** like one though, each item in its place and the entire area devoid of mess had created a certain sense of reverence. Squall had always retained his sense of utilitarian sensibilities, despite her best efforts to the contrary.

And then Rinoa was possessed by the most awful, insidious, and treacherous idea. She smirked as she kicked off one shoe, watching it fly into the living room and lodge itself under the couch. Her smile deepened as the other shoe landed under the coffee table. Languidly making her way through the kitchen and toward the bathroom, she let her clothes fall in the path she walked. Pausing in the bathroom doorway, she turned to look with satisfaction on the slight mess she had made.

"Well, it's a start," she said aloud before turning into bathroom and cranking the tub faucet open. She sighed contentedly as the room filled up with steam, and in what felt like moments was enjoying what she considered one of the best perks of a SeeD officer, a hot bath.

Seemingly only minutes later, Rinoa awoke with the sensation that she was somewhere that she ought not to be. Looking around her, she knew she'd fallen asleep in Squall's tub, and shifted in the now tepid bath. Water splashed over the edge of the tub as she stretched her arm to reach for the towels stacked neatly on a shelf above. As she grasped at the top one, she heard the unmistakable sound of a door shutting. Startled, she jerked the towel down, spilling the entire pile into the tub and on top of her. Rather than scramble, Rinoa sighed softly and waited for the inevitable.

The bathroom door swung open, and Rinoa looked through resigned, lidded eyes at Squall. He stood in the doorway in his formal uniform, which was now unbuttoned at the collar. She watched as he took in the scene: water all over the floor, about a dozen thick towels soaking in his filled bathtub, and a still obviously half-asleep girlfriend in the middle of the mess. She gestured at him with one hand from under the terrycloth. "Go ahead, say it!"

Squall swallowed as the corners of his mouth pricked up despite his best efforts. He moved into the bathroom and sat carefully on a dry edge of the tub. Reaching out, he touched a tendril of her wet hair. "Need a towel?" he asked helpfully.

Indignantly, Rinoa attempted a swing at his arm. However, she'd miscalculated the weight of all the soaked cloth in the water and slipped against the smooth tub bottom. Her swing turned into a wild grab and before she could think, she'd pulled the highest ranking SeeD, and his formal uniform, into the bath with her.

Squall made a strangled sound as he struggled and tried to maneuver a way out of the water, but soon was bogged down as well. "Rinoa, this water is freezing," he told her sternly. "What are you thinking?" She slit her eyes at him wickedly but replied innocently "Squall, I thought you'd be more comfortable with frigid things, they're so much more your speed."

He looked at her with a moment's shock before running a hand through his wet hair. "Let's see just how frigid I really am," he said challengingly, extracting himself from the tub and pulling her up after him. Tucking an arm under her knees, he lifted her up effortlessly and together they trailed water and towels through the apartment to the bedroom.

* * *

That evening, Rinoa peeked out over the edge of the white down comforter, watching Squall in the kitchen. She'd always found it perversely amusing to watch him cook anything, although it was twice as enjoyable today, as he was putting together a meal in nothing but boxers. Squall seemed to feel her eyes on him, as he turned and gave her a slight smile that most people wouldn't have noticed at all.

"Hungry?" he asked her with a gesture toward the salad he'd been assembling in a bowl. Rinoa shrugged an agreement, scooting up in his bed to lean her back against the headboard. She watched as Squall divided the salad into two bowls, accepting hers gratefully and began skewering lettuce as he settled comfortably beside her.

"You looked good in Balamb," Rinoa told him, speaking around the lettuce in her mouth. Squall glanced over at her critically, but said nothing. "I mean it," she continued, "You looked so… official… out there, giving orders. Sometimes I can't reconcile the man in the uniform to the guy in the bed with me."

Squall swallowed his food slowly, and Rinoa knew from experience that he was taking the time to choose his words carefully. "You know," he began, dark hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at her, "You know that if I had to be one or the other, I'd be the guy in your bed forever." An uncharacteristic flush colored the edges of his ears, but he held her gaze steady. "I saw you in the road today."

"I felt you in my head today," Rinoa replied honestly. "I can always feel that." Squall leaned over and brushed a kiss on her temple. "Good," he breathed softly into her hair, and as he did Rinoa felt the same familiar pulling motion in the back of her mind.

"Knock it off," she said playfully, curling herself up comfortably against his side. Squall put a hand over his heart as if he was wounded, and reached his other arm around Rinoa to pull her closer to him. She placed her hand over the one on his chest, and they rested in comfortable silence until the light from the sunset faded and sleep softly overtook them.

* * *

And so the weeks continued, and Rinoa and Squall enjoyed a newfound sense of domesticity at home, and learned to miss each other during their days apart. It was quiet shared moments; it was secret grins when no one else was watching. It was lying in a Balamb field after curfew and watching the stars; it was her head on his shoulder at the movies. It was peaceful and predictable. It was simple and normal. And it was all about to change.


	2. Hindsight

I feel good. I got reviews. Score! I read each and every one and took them all to heart- thank you for taking the time. Well, if you're reading this, you made it through the first chapter! Thanks for sticking with me. I write this when I am bored at work, so updates should come every two weeks-ish as I can usually pick off a page or two every few days. I don't intend for this to be a story centered around 'action', per se… I'm always much more interested in emotional battles and relationships. This will end up being pretty relationship-y. You've been warned!

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**Finding My Way Back**

Chapter Two: Hindsight

.

"Do you really think that's what this is about?"

"Well, it seems like that's a common thing, it's possible he doesn't even realize he's doing it."

"It's just that… he _should_ realize he's doing it."

"Yes… he should."

Rinoa shifted the weight of her pack from her left shoulder to her right and lifted her arm up. A small hand appeared at the top of the rocky outcrop and reached down to grasp Rinoa's at the wrist. With a grunt of effort, Rinoa pushed herself away from the foothold and clambered to the top of the rock. Collapsing beside her friend, she gave her a sidelong glance.

"I don't know how this can't make you tired," she said accusingly. Taking a satisfied hit off of her water bottle, Selphie wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and shrugged.

"Rinoa, you guys have been together for a long time now. It happens. He just doesn't feel like he has to _win_ you anymore. It's not that he cares less, he just… doesn't have to compete for you anymore… he knows how much you love him, and that's not a bad thing."

Sitting down next to her friend, Rinoa grabbed the water bottle from her and tipped it toward her mouth. "I know, Selph. I just… I wish he'd _try_ more," she explained, searching for the right words, which always seemed to dance just out of her reach when she thought about this. "I see how you and Irvine are, so free with each other out in the Quad. I see Zell, who dropped everything without a second thought when his girlfriend asked him to go to the beach with her. I… sometimes, I just want what everyone else seems to just have without all the effort."

"But you and Squall aren't like everyone else," Selphie said, cold objectivity in her voice. She shifted onto her knees to gain eye level with Rinoa, and Rinoa was surprised to see the resolve in the brunette's eyes. "I know you don't like to talk about it. I know that neither of you want to admit that that you're different. But you ARE, Rinoa. You two are so far beyond the rest of us where it counts. Don't you think I'd give anything to spend five minutes inside Irvine's head? To close my eyes and to not only know that he loves me, but to **feel **it too?"

Rinoa broke Selphie's gaze and climbed to her feet as she re-shouldered her pack and brushed her palms off on her shorts. Looking out from the cliff top to the expansive forest below, she remained quiet. Selphie rolled her eyes good-naturedly and followed her friend to the edge of the outlook, putting her arm through Rinoa's in a gesture of comfort. "You knew this from the beginning, Rinoa. Squall's never been simple. Don't forget, that's half the reason you fell in love with him to begin with."

Casting a sidelong look at her friend, Rinoa withdrew her arm and punched Selphie lightly on the bicep. "You know, Selph… you're way more perceptive than people give you credit for," she said wryly. Selphie winked in return and pointed at the trail that continued away from the rock face they'd scaled. "Don't tell anyone!" she called over her shoulder as she disappeared into the foliage.

Rinoa hung back a moment, unable to break her gaze with the landscape below her. While her eyes traced the river meandering through the valley below, her mind traced the path of her interaction with Squall earlier that morning.

* * *

"I don't see what the big deal is," Squall had said simply, looking up from the folder he was currently reading. "If that's what you want, that's what we'll do."

Rinoa had sighed softly before turning so her back was towards her boyfriend. She had always found it easier to speak her mind to Squall when she didn't have to look directly into his eyes. Locking eyes had, she found, often caused her to either forget or forgo whatever she had been about to say. "It's just that I wish you'd **ask** me why I need to change the dates, rather than just agreeing and going back to… whatever… it is that you're doing over there." She cringed a bit as she heard the folder snap shut behind her, but steeled herself inwardly. The place where Squall lived, in the back of her mind, prickled as she sensed him walk across the floor of her dorm room and stop about a foot behind her. She knew he wouldn't say anything until she turned around, and reluctantly did so.

It was something she hadn't expected. They often argued and had fallen into the comfortable pattern of 'Rinoa pouts', followed by 'Squall acts confused and incredulous', and ending with 'Squall and Rinoa magically get over it', but this was different. Squall was… angry. He fixed her with a stare that she assumed he usually reserved for SeeD discipline.

"Well, Rinoa…. won't you please tell me why you need me to switch my days off?" Squall said softly, voiced laced with barely concealed venom. Rinoa's jaw dropped open slightly and she stammered to answer, to tell him that she just wanted to feel as if he was interested in what she was doing, that he was thinking about her, but he continued before she had the chance to voice the thoughts. "Because I'm not busy or anything. I know that you're aware of how difficult it is to request time off, and all the double shifts and all the nights I worked to secure three days off in a row. And I know that you appreciate the fact that rather than get angry at all the strings that I'll have to pull to take a different holiday off, I just agree with you rather than fight about it, right?"

"Squall, I…" Rinoa began, holding both her hands up in an unconsciously defensive position, "I… that's not what I meant, not at all. I just… I want you to… be interested, I guess." She shrugged and stole a glance at the SeeD. Squall's face was still, but his eyes flashed his annoyance.

"You think I'm not interested in you?" he asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose with one hand. "Because, Rinoa, you should know that I can't _help_ but be interested in you. You're in my head all the time, whether I like it or not. I spend all day getting hit by your feelings, be they happy, sad, angry, or Hyne knows what," He paused to gauge her reaction, which Rinoa did her best to conceal, before he continued in a softer tone. "So don't tell me I don't think about you, because you take up far more space in my head than I do."

With that, he turned back toward where he had been sitting and began to gather papers into the leather satchel in which he had brought them to Rinoa's room. Rinoa swallowed, her mouth dry. She wanted nothing more than to apologize to Squall and forget the entire argument, but she knew that she was not completely in the wrong. She knew how a girlfriend should be treated, and that if they were going to make a go of it as a 'normal' couple, that he needed to _act_ like a boyfriend. And so she steeled herself again and spoke exactly what was on her mind.

"You think I asked for it to be like this?" she said softly, sadly. Her tone must have gotten through to Squall, as she noticed he had slowed the pace of his repacking. "You think this 'bond' is what I want? Do you really think I want you to always have an inside window into what I'm thinking? You don't think I feel… violated… sometimes, just as I'm sure you must?" This time, Squall turned to look at her, his brow furrowed but no more anger in his eyes. "I just wanted you be interested, not overwhelmed. To care, not cave to what I want." Her voice gathered strength and momentum as she continued. "I'm sorry I take up so much space in your head. But trust me; you take up just as much in mine. I wouldn't want it any other way! I'd want it even if I wasn't… what I am, although I'm sure you'd much prefer to stay by yourself!" Drawing herself up, she grabbed a pair of her shoes from the floor under her bed and moved roughly past him. "As a matter of fact," she proclaimed as she turned to face him, almost giddy with an anger she didn't realize she'd harbored, "You can stay by yourself **right now**!"

Rinoa stepped through the door and slammed it behind her, leaving Squall alone in her room. She moved down the hallway at a fast trot, and ducked around a corner. It was only then that she allowed herself a moment to think about what she'd said, and as the knowledge sank in, so did her body against the cool wall. She let her back slide against the surface until she was squatting on the floor and put her hands, warm and trembling, against her eyes.

_Oh come on, Rinoa. There had to be a better way to say it… but you were right, dammit! He does need to treat you with care! But why did it have to come back to the bond? You know he hates to talk about it. You know YOU hate to talk about it. Why can't you ever choose your battles?_ She shook her head miserably as her thoughts overlapped each other, some proclaiming her right to be angry and others insisting she was nothing more than an instigator.

Cool fingertips touched her tentatively on the shoulder, and Rinoa jumped. With a final rub to her dry, but sore, eyes, she looked up, hoping- and somewhat expecting- to see Squall. Instead she found Selphie, clad in khaki shorts and a plain white tank top, a traveling pack slipping off one shoulder as she leaned over her friend.

"Hey Rin, you good?" she asked casually, obviously not wanting to butt in on anything that Rinoa might want to keep private. Rinoa gave her an acerbic smile from the floor and reached up. Selphie grasped her hand and pulled Rinoa to her feet. Running a hand through her hair, Rinoa looked down at the ground, rather embarrassed to be caught in such a state. Selphie, always keen to other's emotions, scratched the back of one of her legs with her other foot and correctly gauged how Rinoa was feeling. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. As a matter of fact, I was about to head out and hike the mighty peaks of Balamb," she volunteered, her voice full of humorous bravado. "I'd love the company. You can borrow some of my hiking clothes, since we're almost the same size. You've already got the shoes," Selphie gestured to the footwear Rinoa had blindly grabbed from under her bed, which happened to be a rugged pair of sneakers that would serve well enough for moderate hiking.

This time, Rinoa managed a more genuine smile for her friend. "Okay Selph… I'd love to come with you. Only I really don't want to talk about it, ok?" Selphie gave her an excited nod and looped her arm through Rinoa's, pulling her down another hallway toward her own officer's quarters. They walked in silence for only moments before Rinoa shrugged her shoulders and proclaimed: "Fine, Selphie! Since you refuse to leave me alone about it, I guess I **will **have to tell you every gory detail of what happened this morning! Jeeze!" Selphie's giggled apology reverberated off the empty hallway walls as the two girls made their way back through the Garden.

* * *

All of which brought Rinoa back to where she was now, at the top of one of Selphie's "mighty peaks of Balamb". Although it had only been a temporary escape from the morning's troubles, Rinoa was immensely grateful to her friend for getting her out of Garden and away from any place that Squall might go to look for her.

_I hope he's looking for me._ The unbidden thought bubbled up though her mind, and she tried to quash it back down. This was not a game and she was not about to be one of 'those girls' who would run away only to see if someone would chase them.

Squinting out over the horizon, Rinoa tried to make out the shape of Garden in the distance. Centering her gaze on approximately where she thought it was, she now tried to zero in on Squall, who was undoubtedly inside it. She knew he wouldn't like it, but she decided to try anyway. With a deep breath in, she let her mind drift out and across the trees, skimming over streams and whistling through fields, over--

Rinoa staggered back a step, feeling as if someone had just delivered a sharp slap to her forehead. She must have run into something, but it was obvious that she was alone, unmoving, in the middle of an open expanse. Knowing that there was no other explanation other than the bond, Rinoa reached out again; this time more tentatively.

She found Squall easily on the second attempt. Rinoa had never been able to describe how 'finding' him felt. The best description she'd ever been able to come up with was that it felt like touching someone through a very thick blanket- you knew if you were feeling an arm or a leg, but much more definition was difficult. She could tell that Squall was preoccupied, the bond thrummed with a tinge of unease, but also a sense of concentration.

"Rinoooooo-a!" a voice drifted out from behind her, the direction in which Selphie had disappeared. "Rinoooooo-a, move your BUTT!" With a wry smile for no one in particular and a promise to herself to question Squall about the strange sensation later, she snugged her pack on her shoulders and headed into the woods after Selphie.

* * *

The girls turned the car into Selphie's spot in the Garden parking lot just as sunset was giving way to night. They had initially planned to arrive back at Garden in the mid-afternoon, but on their way back Selphie had caught sight of an apple orchard sign and had sent the car into a death spin (as Rinoa had rightly proclaimed it) and turned the car around. Many hi-jinks and tree-climbings later, the girls were back in the car, along with about eight overflowing bags of freshly-picked apples.

Rinoa groaned as the car rolled to a stop. Arching her back against the seat, she picked a twig out of her hair. "Selphie… remind me why I had to climb to the tops of the apple trees rather than be sensible and just pick the ones that we could actually reach?"

Selphie threw her a rueful look in return. "Because," she stated calmly, "All the best apples are at the top. No one has had their germy hands on them. They also get the most sun. And you had to climb to get them because you, my friend, are a MIDGET who cannot reach anything!" she said gleefully, ticking the reasons off on her fingers.

"Wait, wait, wait. **I'm** a midget?! You should have been up there with me!"

"Duh Rinoa, someone had to coordinate our ground efforts! You'd never make it in SeeD!"

With a mock growl of frustration, Rinoa reached for the car door handle and heaved herself out of the vehicle, and the pair went around to the trunk to retrieve their gear and hard-won apples. As they leaned over the car, both girls let out shrieks and bumped their heads on the top of the trunk as they spun around. There stood Irvine, with a delighted grin on his face.

"Irvine! Don't grab my butt!" Selphie howled, trying to heave a bag of apples into her boyfriend and almost losing her balance in the process. Rinoa put her hands on her hips accusingly.

"Yeah Irvine, don't grab my butt either!" Rinoa threatened.

Selphie howled again, and took an apple out of the bag and lobbed it at Irvine. "Irvine!" she shrieked, "Don't grab other women's butts! What is wrong with you?!"

"Selph, Selph," Irvine pleaded, his hands up to shield from any more apples, "You won't let me grab your butt, I'm just a man and I have needs…" He ducked as another apple whistled past his head, knocking off his hat "Now- now, this is not fair! I was just worried about you ladies! You were late coming home and I was excited to know you were alive! Hey!" he called as the girls shared a conspiratorial glance and launched an all-out apple assault on the cowboy. Irvine ducked behind a car as the girls also sought cover.

"Quick, Rinoa!" Selphie called gleefully from behind a parking barrier. "Guerilla tactics!" Rinoa nodded and dove behind another barrier, but caught movement from out of the corner of her eye. Turning on her heel, she pitched two fruits in quick succession. She suddenly realized that it had grown quiet in the underground garage, and that Selphie had risen to a standing position. Rinoa peeked with one eye over the barrier.

Squall and Quistis stood silently in the entryway. Quistis held a clipboard in one hand, the other over her lips to disguise what looked suspiciously like the makings of a smile. Squall, however, seemed stony-faced as he caught her eye. In his raised left hand he held the two apples Rinoa had just thrown. Rather than stand up to face punishment as Selphie (and she assumed Irvine) had, she slumped back down to a sitting position, hidden from view with her back against the barricade. She could still see Selphie, who appeared to be weighing the situation in her head.

"Squall! Commander!" Selphie piped up, evidently deciding that levity might be the best course of action. "Commander, this SeeD is guilty- soooo guilty- of sexual harassment! I demand that he be taken to a disciplinary room! Immediately!"

"Commander! These women were out after curfew," Irvine cut in, following Selphie's lead. "I had to protect Garden from any enemy infiltrators, and besides… they opened fire on ME first!" The tactic appeared to work, as Rinoa heard Squall sigh. She pictured him rolling his eyes as Quistis and telling her to handle it.

"Quistis, you handle this. Make sure they don't start a war on their way back to quarters," Squall instructed as Rinoa shook her head and smiled slightly to herself. Selphie flashed her friend a 'good luck' thumbs up and jumped over her barrier to join Irvine and Quistis. As their voices faded down the wide corridor leading away from the parking lot, Squall's voice echoed through it. "Rinoa? We gonna talk about this?"

"I don't want to take up too much of your time," she called back shortly, and then winced. It wasn't really all his fault and she knew that rebuffing him after he'd reached out to her would hurt him. But she had her pride too, and so remained silent for several moments.

She jumped as he suddenly appeared at her side and slid down to sit next to her. Rinoa cursed mentally, she often forgot how quiet and stealthy he could be whenever he put his mind to it. Maybe it was habit, or just because they were alone in close proximity, but Rinoa leaned her head onto his shoulder. She felt him shift a bit beneath her as he found a more comfortable sitting position, and then they remained quiet together for several minutes.

Hating to break the provisional peace between them, Rinoa spoke softly. "Today, I was… looking for you. Something strange happened. It almost felt like I was physically thrown backwards when I tried to find you through the… through the bond. It was like someone slapped me and I couldn't go any farther," she explained. She felt Squall tense against her and asked the question that had been nagging at her all day. "Did you do it? Is that what I felt- did you push me out?"

"No, I didn't," Squall replied simply. Although she'd have preferred to look at Squall, Rinoa knew it might be easier for him to talk if she wasn't staring him down, so instead she laced the fingers of her right hand through his left, and nodded against his shoulder to show him that she was still listening. "Rinoa, I know that what I said today was hard to hear. But parts of it were true. Sometimes you just… overwhelm my senses. It's like I can't get a moment to myself, and that's hard. You know, I used to be somewhat of a loner," he added, a hint of playfulness in his voice, before he returned to a more sober tone. "We still don't know exactly how this bond works, be it strong telepathy or simple empathy. I don't know if we'll ever fully master it. But I didn't throw you out. I felt you try the first time, and then you were just gone. It worried me, so the second time I willed myself to help you find me and you did. I don't know why that happened, or why it's never happened before." He squeezed her hand tightly once and then let go as he finally turned so he could see her face.

"I **should** know," he said, looking her in the eyes. "I'll find out what went wrong, why we didn't connect. It's part of my duty to you, as your knight."

Rinoa looked back at him, and lightly traced the edge of his jaw with her finger. "Squall… would it be so bad if it- the bond- just… went away? Would it be such a tragedy if I wasn't always in your head? If I couldn't always search out your feelings and you weren't constantly being bombarded by mine?"

Squall clasped her trailing hand with his larger one and held it still. "You mean, if we could learn to turn it off?" At Rinoa's nod, he frowned slightly and appeared to fall into deep thought for a moment. With a nod he stood and offered her a hand up. "Alright Rinoa… we can try. Let's see how the other half _really_ lives," he said casually, and only Rinoa could have detected the tone of concern he put into the words. Rinoa gave him a smile of thanks and grasped his hand.

As he easily pulled her to her feet, she stepped on an errant apple that had rolled from her now-forgotten nearby stockpile; and Rinoa felt herself losing her balance as the arm not held by Squall pinwheeled out looking for something on which to gain traction. Squall reacted as quickly as she should have expected, pulling the hand he held toward him and capturing her waist with his other arm.

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?" Rinoa said, their faces only inches apart and an undertone of seduction in her voice. Squall looked down at her, the suggestion of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He leaned to kiss her, and just as Rinoa began to get lost in the sensation he abruptly broke contact with her and moved away, heading for the parking lot entrance into Garden.

"Hey!" Rinoa called. "Who's gonna help me clean up all these apples?!" Not looking back at her, Squall waved.

"Dunno, Rin. Guess you're on your own this time," he called.

"And they say chivalry is dead!" Rinoa retorted, punting a fruit and sending it skipping along the asphalt. Squall stopped where he was and turned to look at her.

"Chivalry is for sorceresses and knights. Last time I checked, you were just my girlfriend." In a completely out of character move, he shot her a toothy grin and pivoted, resuming his course for the door.

_WHACK_. Rinoa's last ammunition hit him in the arm, and although she'd thrown it with a degree of force, Squall didn't turn around again, merely calling the phrase "Domestic abuse!" over his shoulder before he disappeared into the building.

With a sigh, Rinoa stooped to collect a few pieces of produce. Shining one against the khaki fabric of her shorts, she smiled. Tomorrow she and Squall would start work on breaking down the last barrier between them- it was ironic that a barrier to them was actually something that would tie most couples closer together. Soon they would be like Irvine and Selphie, like Zell and his girlfriend, like everyone else under the sun; completely and blissfully unaware of what the other was thinking.

* * *

Months later, Rinoa would look back on that night and wonder if everything would have been different if she'd just given it all a little more thought. If she'd just agreed to let Squall figure out what had happened, rather than to sweep it under the rug. She should have known better than to play at normal when in reality she- they- were anything but.

But it was too late now. The wheels were already in motion, the pieces laid out on the chess board. There was nothing left to do but play the hand she'd dealt herself, and hope to Hyne that it was a winning one.


End file.
